For better.....

Lost in my own world I think of no one, I am so busy yet so free to act upon………..
I look around and this silence is killing me, how can people act? Don’t they get tired…? I can see they want something else… they too want to fly and get released but they can’t do it in reality.
They have to pretend if they need to live.

We live and work for what? For the joy or for nothing…. Such confusion yes I have in my mind.. Still I go on and on… I feel bad for some things in my life that I know I miss but which may be or may not be in my hands.

I think and re-think and then for a second I find an answer but then again nothing comes to my hand.. Its pain its funny such a mixed emotion.

I laugh when I think how I reacted a day back and how I am today. Every moment is a learning experience.
I know things will change and it is changing every second, it will no longer be the same, I will see new things in life, I will face pain and trouble and I will meet different people but down the memory lane I will have all the treasure of this world in my heart and mind.

I will feel pain when I will think about it when I will go back but there will be no option left, I can only rejoice the time I had spend as it was a part of me, my life within me. I try to pretend but then I fail I feel a pain when I know I am not made for this, I have something for myself for my own.
I am what I am but between this two I am someone who loves to smile a lot, run and touch the sky, make people happy, catch butterflies, smell the flowers, sing songs, dance in the rain….. So much to explore and live that child within me but with time I have to leave all this with me inside me… I will not be able to express my things my feelings with myself I have to be quiet…. I have to see and smile but it will be hard to unexplore all those moments that will make me what I am rather then what I am forced to do.

Is it really so difficult to do things of your choice? Is it too much that I have asked for…. I really don’t know. May be I am thinking too much, may be all the people in this world don’t think the way I do…. I may have to change or to live my dream there is no third option...

There is so much to know and all say we have time for all but do we really have time?? Can anyone predict, NO?
How do I know all this, the answer to the questions of those things which I am not clear about?
Everything and everyone changes for good and better, it’s the fact of life which we cannot challenge and it has to happen today or tomorrow. I talk with people know about their feelings some told some hidden and realize all go through the same but some concentrate on the things that will not lead them anywhere, but I know I can do nothing about it.

I am so happy for a time and so sad the very moment for no reason.. Can I capture those moments and play it back when I have tears in my eyes, Is this possible? Life is so complicated and so is we human beings. I want to express my feelings most of the time and on the other hand I tend to suppress everything. I know I will be happy if I let my feelings grow. Then why do I think about people who may or may not be with me when I need them the most, I tend to waste my time thinking about this?

Can I change for better for me and myself? Yes I can do and I have to do

Confusion in my mind...........

It was the same day; as usual… nothing new happened. Same routine of tasks to be done, and then nothing more to think about. In between all this some thoughts came to my mind don’t know what it was all about but it was definitely a mixed feeling, a kind of cool breeze touching my heart and soul.

Then for a while I could not understand what was this about.. I was happy for a moment and then sad… The whole time I was thinking about this, till I was lost in my memory land.

I started talking with myself questioning and answering again and again for the reason that was so strange. I got no answer and knew I was lost once again.

Every time I face this I have no reason to find out why it happens? What I need to understand from this? It seems so strange to me , time is passing by and I know I am growing old too but still I am with my dreams. Is this really a dream? I ask myself …..

May be; may not be I am not sure about this. It feels nice when I feel so confident about the things I want in my life a sudden spark touches the inner core of my heart. A strong determination to fight and survive in this whole world. A new change, a new beginning.

Why it that sometime I feel like flying so high and I know at that moment I can really touch the sky and the very next moment I feel I have lost the battle. Struggling to understand this mystery of my life I traveled in my heart, when I found no answer I decided to just keep quiet. Some where down the line it was hurting me a lot, I was in pain…. I was not happy from within as I knew a lot was missing.

I failed to understand is this called the human life? Full of surprises at every step…..?

Silently walking the road I see so many faces around and then back to my thoughts to understand the reality of mankind. I knew very well I will not succeed and will not get any answer. I knew the problem was in my mind. I was not aware what I was looking for, then how can I expect for a valid answer to solve my thunder inside.